Loco Eric, One.

You're going back to school to get your master's degree?

That's great.

*points at waist*

I'm using this nylon rope as a belt.

. . .

Conan O'Brien, One.

I don't know about you, but I always set my Doomsday Clock five minutes ahead.

Kurt Vonnegut, Two.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high-school class is running the country.

Pragmatism.

Is the new depression.

Adam Curtis, One.

[Joseph Weizenbaum's] response was to get very gloomy about the whole idea of machines and people. Weizenbaum wrote a book in the 1970s that said that the only way you were going to get a world of thinking machines was not by making computers become like humans. Instead you would have to do the opposite -- somehow persuade humans to simplify themselves, and become more like machines.
BBC