Each Featuring A Different suede Album.
INTRODUCING THE BAND (band actually play this, not a tape)
WE ARE THE PIGS
THIS HOLLYWOOD LIFE
THE 2 OF US
BLACK OR BLUE
THE ASPHALT WORLD
STILL LIFE (orchestral tape, cut short to boos)
THE LIVING DEAD
MY DARK STAR
KILLING OF A FLASHBOY
CAN'T GET ENOUGH
THE BEAUTIFUL ONES
Posted by dean
at 03:48 PM
The Assistant D.A. Kept Repeatedly Asking Me Under Cross-Examination What The Real Harm Was Of Women Being Unable To Have Orgasms.
DA: Professor Doctor Gardos, will you please tell the court what is shown in
photograph "State's Exhibit 3-B"?
Gardos: Uh, that looks to be a dildo.
DA: And what kind of dildo is it?
Gardos: It looks like it is designed to be attached to a person's chin via
DA: And, is there an inscription on the box?
DA: And what might it say?
Gardos: "Fuck and please her like never before with the Stimulator!"
DA: Now, Professor Doctor Gardos, you stated that these devices have
therapeutic value. Is that correct?
DA: And have you ever prescribed a device similar to this one?
Gardos: Uh, no, I must admit that I have never prescribed that a patient to
attach a dildo to his or her chin.
Posted by dean
at 02:09 PM
Cash Fed Twin & Racker Scams, Page 75.
It's chance which is infinity and not god, and what is chance?
It's ME, my me told me who listens to me.
And I answered him: All my selves have reached this stage because as far as I am concerned I'm not listening to you.
Posted by dean
at 02:23 PM
Saul Williams Writes A Letter.
As of this day, we shall witness the uprise of the downfall and the ascendance of the strong wills of those of whom we are descendants. The long overdue wakening of the sleeping giant whose snoring we have taken as music, whose dreamy mutterings we have taken for divine utterance. TODAY the umbilical is cut, along with the noose and the tie. The foreshadowing takes center stage. The crippled man walks. On this day, the drunks vomit in unison, 'though, last night, they drank from different cups.'
TODAY all of the theme songs unite! The Dancehall Queens all stand glancing over their shoulders, down at their bouncing rumps and then up at you saying, "well, what are you waiting for?". A priest proposes to a nun. They elope to Vegas and live happily ever after (They are the proud parents of 5 bouncing baby Buddhists).
And did you hears the news about the soldiers?!!
Chemical warfare is suspected as they all put down their weapons and start making out with each other and journalists, and photographers, and even the enemy! The CNN correspondent keeps the camera above her neck and keeps squirming and giggling while she gave her report. And all of the grandmothers were appalled. While their husbands found the energy to dig up their old uniforms and defy the gravity with which age deforms.
Yes, this is a special day. The perfect day to creep into a closet and speak bluntly to a dead relative or friend. Or, even, as our native friends say, 'Today is a good day to die.' But don't take that wrongly! Cough up those pills! Remove that razor from your wrist! Don't jump!! Please, Mr. Brown, come back into the window. You must understand that when our indigenous friends said these words, they meant that everything was in order, that God's presence was felt, that today they could rest in peace. But mark my words: THERE ARE THOSE WHO DO NOT LIKE REST NOR PEACE. THEY MAKE WAR WITH THE UNDENIABLE AND DENY THE INEVITABLE. THIS IS NOT THEIR DAY, NOR YEAR, NOR CENTURY. WOE TO THEM! (A brief aside: Maya is Sanskrit for illusion)
[Oh my, I'm beginning to sound like the fine print on a Dr. Bronner's soap container.]
TODAY is the day that the fine print becomes legible and we delete everything but the words written in red. God has perfected his moonwalk and is having a high pitched showdown with the King of Pop right now!
Hip-Hop is actually good again!!!!!......
Sike. But TODAY that song is being written that in nine months will grace our ear drums with the vibration of the ever present. A song that will not have to grow on us but one that will have grown in us. Yes, TODAY is that day.
Swallow your gum, children!! Yes, bite your toenails! Pet your friends pets admit it, Pugs are cute! Men, paint your toenails! Ladies, blow at least four kisses today! Thank me later.
Yes, it's a beautiful day, TODAY. Not only that, TODAY is BEAUTY's birthday and it's having a big party on the elevator, in the subway, at the office, at school, on the sidewalk, in the bedroom, downtown. Oh my God, is that Puffy chatting it up with Ram Das?! Oh my God, isn't that my cleaning lady playing dominoes with Deepak? Michael Moore and Warren G have matching medallions! Kate Hudson has cornrows! Knox Robinson has a glass naval ring! And aren't those the Def Poets?! My God, everyone's here! Nike sweat shops are closing early today. The tap water has ecstasy in it. Please stop my parents from kissing.
Yes, TODAY is that day. Be brave and live it. See it through. Burn the flag of your fears. Disregard your pride for one minute and ask him out. The Hindu girl tells her family she wants a love marriage. The rapper comes out of the closet. The husband writes his wife a love note. She blushes when he calls her,"friend". All the great love stories have come to life. TODAY is that day.
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery," he said, then whispered lovingly into his wife's ear, "I like it how you do that right thurr!"
Calling all superstitious!!! Read this with your left eye, TODAY only listen with your right ear, type with your palms, forward this email to God, or else! And oh, my new book comes out TODAY. SAID THE SHOTGUN TO THE HEAD Buy it. (please).
It doesn't come with any of my famous hand gestures but it's a sure winner. It doesn't feature Beyonce, Sean Paul, or Redman, but there are cameos by Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Kali, my ex-girlfriend's Uncle and lots of sexy people. Pharrell did invisible beats for those who read in between the lines. There are tons of far-fetched references that can be stolen for any underground hip-hop anthem.
Yes, it's a little abstract and I apologize for that. But considering the fact that it's being put out by MTV books, I couldn't just write, FUCK YOU MR. PRESIDENT AND YOUR NEO-COLONIALIST VIEWS, in big letters and not expect Mr. Viacom to... In fact, the whole point of the beginning of this email was to have those sorts skip to the next email before they got to the FUCK YOU MR. PRESIDENT AND YOUR WESTERN IDEALS, part (They generally have a low tolerance for crazy talk.). Which isn't to say that TODAY isn't the day. Oh believe me when I say, it most certainly is! Even with Mercury in retrograde, this communication is by no means faltered. Venus and Chiron can attest to that.
But enough, back to work. Don't forget about those kisses, ladies. Make a trip to your favorite book store and kindly ask them to point you to the poetry section, unless of course I am to be found in the Negro section, which reminds me of the joke my girlfriend tells that insinuates that black people are hatched from bowling balls. Highly unlikely, but STRIKE, nonetheless. I thank you in advance for your support.
SAID THE SHOTGUN TO THE HEAD is simply one long poem. An epic poem in the voice of a homeless man that is telling of the coming of a female Messiah that he has known intimately. Maybe you know her, maybe you'll meet her TODAY. Maybe you'll find the whole idea sacrilegious, in which case you probably won't buy my book. God Bless You. And on a day like today, SHE most certainly will. And for all ye others, revel in the Glory of the day, for TODAY all the answers are truly written in the back of the book.
Posted by dean
at 01:58 PM